Last time I talked to you all, I took some time out of my day to fix the financial crisis. I know, you don't have to say it. It was a deep, well thought out, and clearly formulated plan. What can I say, I'm a detail oriented person.
If you would like to have a clearer picture of my feelings about the crisis go here:
Basically what I'm saying is: "Yeah that's right... what she said."
No seriously read the article, it's written by the amazing Naomi Jaffe. If you don't know who she is, do us all a favor and find out.
Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin...
Let me count the ways in which you get on my nerves. First of all you're making me look bad. Don't you realize that one of my primary goals in life is to make liberals see that the Democrats and Republicans are all just part of one big party, that only serve the wealthy. I'm still right, but damn Sarah you make it hard. I mean wow. Seriously wow. You basically are the New York times reading, latte drinking nightmare. And yes I have been known to both read the New York Times and drink a latte simultaneously, but I'm not talking about me. You know who I'm talking about. Sarah what is the deal? Huh? My mom was a radical feminist that just so happened to come from the same place as you. No she wasn't born in Sandpoint, Idaho, she was born in North Dakota and raised in Montana. You know places where people hunt moose and stuff like that. And just like you she was one tough cookie. But I feel very confident in saying this: She would have despised you. Yeah it's true. She's the one that taught me that republicans and democrats are just one big party. But I also feel confident in saying that she would have run to the polls to vote against you. No I mean run, the only thing that would have happened first is she would have lit up a cigarette and grabbed a cup of coffee, and then she would have ran, no I mean sprinted. My mom didn't run very often. So what does all this mean Sarah? No it doesn't mean I'm voting for Obama. It just means I wish you would act a little more like a standard politician. Say things like Gay people aren't sooo bad, and no I'm Tolerant of Gay people doesn't quite cut it, although I recognize that you were trying. Just throw in a few lines about how you love everybody. That way I can highlight how Joe Biden is a complet racist, gun carrying psycopath, and not seem like I'm missing something. Like you know the woman that might blow up the world because Jesus told her to do it.
And also Sarah, this business about palling around with terrorists. I just want you to know that last night my girlfriend made an amazing point. Obama is palling around with terrorists because he served on a board of a charitable organization with a former member of the Weather Underground. She said "doesn't that sound familiar?" Hmmm "Yeah I guess it does". Sarah I have a confession, my girlfriend and I serve on the board of charitable organization with a former member of the Weather Underground. I'm telling you this in confidence, so I better not see you at some press conference talking about me palling around with terrorists. Because if you do, I will say what Obama will never say.
The Weather Underground was NOT a terrorist organization. They were a revolutionary organization, far from perfect, but revolutionary nonetheless. And it was politicians like you, Sarah, that made them necessary.