Thursday, November 19, 2009

Oprah and Johnny Depp

This just in...


This is not a joke!

If you are standing up, please sit down.

I know it's scary but the truth hurts sometimes.

After being the leading talk show for TWENTY THREE seasons, that's right TWENTY THREE, she will be calling it quits in 2011. Yes that means you have a year and some change to prepare yourself but can you ever prepare yourself for something like this? I mean who defeats Oprah in a game of I've got more clout and mojo than you? Jay-Z? Beyonce? Please! This is Oprah mutherf*#$ing Winfrey we are talking about. Barack Obama you say? Oprah made Barack Obama, literally. Alright she didn't conceive him in her actual womb but she conceived him in her I got more props than anybody womb. Not one person in the entire United States thought for one second that Barack Hussein Obama was winning any goddamn thing against Hillary Rodham I will kick your a*# Clinton. But that all changed when, you guessed it, Oprah said "vote for this dude." And people did. It was that easy. And now people, she is leaving you. What will you do? Cry yourself to sleep? I know, it's OK. I feel for you. We know she's a capitalist corporate billionaire but she's OUR capitalist corporate billionaire. I know y'all are thinking "We have Obama". Oh ye short-sighted individuals. Barack is temporary, possibly an 8 year flash in the pan. But Oprah is eternal. Or at least she was suppose to be. She is as reliable as the sun. Or as my partner LJ would say: "She is your pastor, Dear Abby, and Martha Stewart all in one." This will be a tough one.

To paraphrase Gloria Gaynor... "We will survive."

And Ohh yeah Johnny Depp was voted the sexiest man by People Magazine again. Waw waw waw... yada yada yada. I could kick his butt!

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